out in the box

Sometimes, I thought of my disposition in life. More often than not i
compare how am I now from how am I used to be when I was a kid. I
cannot help myself to think how such a big looser I am. Sometimes, it
comes into my mind that I am a failure. I wonder if my family is proud
of me? or if I am the "ley" that they wanted to be? or they just wished
that I never grow old and remain as the sweet little girl who only
knows how to laugh,sing and dance amidst a gloomy day?

I wonder how can I fill in this emptiness and loneliness that I am
feeling. No matter how hard I try to be tough and strong there will
always be a time that I will just breakdown and cry. I can’t understand
how come even though there’s lot’s of people around me, i still feel
alone.

I hate the feeling that no matter what I do, people will not be
satisfied with it. They will not be happy about it. No matter how hard
I try that will always be the situation. It’s also known as the "sad
reality" and I’m beginning to get tired of it.

A friend once said, "it’s not about what would they say, it’s about what you feel, what you want, what will make you happy"

he’s damn true, but come to think of it, no matter what I do, I am still at the "loosing end" and that will never change….ever..probably this is my destiny for real.

Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel always. Be you, and be okay with it.

you want to rid yourself of that
person, you want their face to stop appearing everytime you hear that
certain song, and you want to not call them at 3am when your heart
hurts. But if you let them go, if you cut them out of your life… then
thats it -they’re gone. You will never get a do-over and never get a
chance to make things right. You will go from being the reason they
once smiled, being that person they could always count on… to the
person they hope to never have to see again, because the awkwardness
would be too much to bear.

Early this morning, a phone call woke me up. I was excited to
answer my first call wishing it will be a great start of my day.

Suddenly, he asked, “Am
I going to hear wedding bells soon?”

I answered, “what a great way to greet me GOOD MORNING! are you kidding me?”

“No”

Whom am I gonna marry? Myself? Oh yeah, myself will propose
later”

“don’t you have any plans of dating, go out meet new people?”

“I just kissed dating goodbye…way way way back”

“ i am pretty sure that someone likes you… ”

“im tired”

“of what”

“of being hurt, hoping and wishing”

“you’re not getting any younger”

“im just 23…”

“I got married when I was 23”

“oh,,,yeah”

"think about it, you’re the next in line to settle down. you have to face it"

PRESSURE!!

After the weird conversation, i am still lying, thinking…

Finally, I realized, I am old enough. I am in my so-called
marrying age. Majority of my friends have sons/daughters and married already. But even if I am in a relationship, i don’t want to settle yet.

i just said to myself, I am not the only 23 year old single female in the planet!

right?

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